Being Very Proud of my Son!

Being a stay at home mom can turn very routine quickly. Therapists tell me things to work on with Jake during the week, but a lot of time they do not seem to have an effect on him. This week has given me faith to move forward and keep up my good work. This week Jake signed his first word, AND started to play a game with me that I have been doing with him for months. I hide behind something and slowly peek up at him. He did the going up and down all by himself with a big smile on his face. 

Days like today bring a smile to my face and prove that Jake is very bright and is doing a wonderful job!

How to Stay Positive

I have been having a rough time lately. I feel a little better today after talking to my husband about everything, but I can't shake this sadness that is inside of me. I have been having a hard time feeling stuck in my current situation and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My husband is better at seeing that light than I am. I just feel very overwhelmed with school work and not being able to have the time to help my son succeed. I am supposed to be a stay at home mom so that I can learn ASL quickly, spend time with Jacob, and do certain activities with him that therapists want me to do. Unfortunately, school has taken priority over almost everything. I would just quit school, but I have to stay in it to get money to help pay bills. I am so burned out on school right now that I don't even want to do it. But I have to. So I just feel really stuck right now emotionally and need to find a way to stay positive and "see the light". Anyone have any suggestions?

Mothers Day

Since Mothers Day is right around the corner I decided to take a moment and reflect on being a mom now.

Being a mom has of course changed my life in different ways. I will never be caught up on sleep ever again. Well, maybe .... nope. I will even worry about him when he is an adult.

My life seems much more routine than it used to be. I can usually be found either changing a diaper, making a bottle, cleaning the bottle, or playing with the baby. Jacob also has various appointments every week that seem to keep adding up. Right now we are up to a speech therapist, ASL instructor and random audiologist appointments. I'm sure there will be more to follow.

My spare time is spent entertaining Jacob, doing homework, or watching DVDs to learn more ASL. 

So where does this leave me any time to have fun you may ask? Well, not much! But every moment spent on these tasks are worth it! I have a very happy baby who is thriving despite being deaf. I love to see him smile all the time, and his giggles are the best. I think this is why every mom is ok with every sacrifice that she makes. Happy Mothers Day to every mom. I hope that your children make you feel great too!

Making New Friends

Since the last Blog I have become more comfortable juggling motherhood, school, and a new social life. 

I have recently met a few mothers who are on a new adventure like me. There are both amazing in my opinion and it's great to see that I am not alone in this journey. Both have not return to work like me due to our child's situation. I know that I am so lucky to be a stay at home mom, but I still miss work. I still love my single friends, but having a support system of other mothers is very important in not feeling so alone. They understand how you feel everyday, and no one really knows until put into this situation.

I also think that I am taking school even more seriously since my time is really valuable and limited. 

Everyday is still a new adventure for me! Jacob is amazing and I wouldn't change a thing!

Being a Mom

Being a mom is turning out to be the hardest, most fulfilling job that  a person could have. Right now I am a part-time student and full-time mom to Jacob.  I never really thought that not working is actually harder than working a full-time job for a company.

Right now my wonderful sister is watching Jacob so I could got to a coffee shop and do some homework. Well, I started doing homework and class discussions online but other things started to happen. First I got a call from our leasing agent to talk about terms of the new house that we are moving into next week. After that I got back to reading my text book.Not more than five minutes later I get an e-mail from Jacob's Co-Hear coordinator, and she had a few questions for me that needed to be answered. I replied to that and then got back to my reading. About 20 minutes goes by and I get a call from Jacob's Early Intervention coordinator. She called to set-up and appointment for next week to meet him. She will be coming to our home once a week to have therapy sessions with me and Jacob. 

I feel so grateful that my partner goes to work so I can help Jacob out with all of these appointments. It has been an little hard for me to grasp what having a deaf son comes with. You no longer get your own life, and your own appointments. I really can't go back to work anytime soon. Who else would make sure that he gets the proper care to grow and thrive?

I love my son very much and am happy he is in my life. 

I had a classmate ask me today how I decided on going for a Business Management Degree.  He is just a 20 year old kid who is starting community college. I told him that I worked for several years and figured out what skills come naturally to me.  Then I went back to school and just knew what I have a knack for.  He said that was the best idea that he had heard of.  I can't believe someone else has never said that to him before!

This also makes me feel that someone has failed this kid.  My mother had always asked me what I thought I wanted to do. She told me to pick something that I liked to do and go to school for it.  I knew that I liked to cook a lot, so off I went to culinary school.  Well that lasted not long at all.  I got to school and found out that I would never have a cushy 9-5 schedule.  I would work long, odd hours.  I knew that I would never have a normal life if I choose this path... so I bolted from that idea quickly.  To this day, I still love to cook for my family and friends, but I will just keep it to them.  I never want cooking to feel like a job.

When I moved back to Colorado in 2006 I started working retail.  I quickly discovered that it came naturally to me, I loved having sales goals and fun customers.  I also quickly moved up to an assistant manager, then to a store manager.  I loved being responsible for making sale goals and training new employees.  Supervision is not for everyone, but I know it's for me.  I liked the long hours and responsibility.  I did leave retail to experience other options though.  I had too many people tell me I needed to try other things before I settle in retail.  

So off I went to a completely different field... medical.  I became a receptionist at an internists clinic.  I loved that everything was new and challenging to me.  I learned as much as I could in that position.  I really liked the position, just not the company that I worked for.  I wasn't sure if the medical field was really for me, so I once again took a chance and tried another field.. banking.  I tried banking for a year, but realized it was ok, but not challenging enough for me.  I missed the excitement of deadlines, or a busy doctor's office.  This made me go back to the medical field, and I am still in it today.  I have worked everything from billing, financing, scheduling and front desk in the medical scene.  I feel very comfortable here, but know that I would like to combine my love for the medical field and management.  Hopefully someday I could be an office manager at a practice, or even be a team lead at a hospital.     Jobs always change, but I feel like I know what I am good at for once.. 

Maybe I should just give my classmate my blog link and this will help him out.  :)

Growing Up

First note in this blog. I love all of my friends and wouldn't want them to change a thing about them.  This has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with me.   I have realized something in the last few months. It's also really hard to admit.... I have started to turn into an adult.  Sometimes I wonder where that girl in her early twenties was going?

I have felt torn for awhile now.  I loved running around all night with my friends and drinking and dancing.  I used to love eating a hot dog at 2 am from a street vendor.  I used to drive home from a fun night out when the sun was rising.  I will never regret any of those times.  I have just started realizing that I'm not really sure if I like to do those things anymore.  My idea of a night out now is going to grab a beer with a friend and catch up.  A good night out would be dressing up and going to have dinner at a nice restaurant .  I also like the idea of getting home before midnight so I can still get up at a decent hour the next morning.  I actually look forward on weekends to getting up around 7, cleaning the house while I sip on some coffee.  Or getting up early to do homework, or make a great breakfast.  

Now my friends will say that I am always known as the party girl of group and the one who always had a date to run off to.  I loved having that life.  Some people may think my behavioral changes are because I have met a man and want to be serious with him.  In all honestly, there is some truth to that.  He is all that I have been looking for in a partner, and he does make me want to settle down.  I also look at it from another prospective, if I will still single right now, would I still be feeling this way.  I would have to say yes. I was burned out on dating and wasting my energy on that.  I also know that I was drinking too much when I would go out and knew that I needed to slow that down.  

The main reason I have the desire to grow-up is for my health.  I want to have a healthy body and active lifestyle for many, many years.  I know that I am thin and fit and this doesn't have much to do with this.  I want to be healthy on the inside.  I want to get enough sleep every night so I feel good the next day.  I want to drink less alcohol.  I also want to protect my body, so I can have a baby when I want to. I have started loving yoga again, and that entertains me until summer hiking.

Now, this doesn't mean that I won't go out and not have fun.  It just means that I would rather go bowling instead of clubbing, watching a movie at home, instead of a crazy night out.  I haven't lost complete lust for craziness and fun, I just feel like I can get it from other ways now.